Cazza Whatever!

I completed a 5k a few weeks ago. I've done it before but this time I was fundraising for Breast Cancer Care. I was quite nervous and felt like I trained quite hard but the truth was that once completed I felt almost ashamed at how easy it had felt especially as so many people had sponsored me (a massive thank you to all of you, I raised over £400) I think the reality was I really loved doing it because I was going at my own pace, unconcerned about speed, just wanting to finish. So I now have a much bigger goal. In 2016 I turn 40, and I want to run a Marathon (those of you who know me can stop laughing uncontrollably either at the running or the fact that I turn 40). The problem is that at the moment I only really jog. In fact when the lady on my running app who gently cajoles me in my ear to keep running and "slow down if you need to" I laugh, because I don't think I could physically run any slower without stopping!  So my only option is to speed up. My husba

I went on a retreat the other day and found myself wanting to do just that- retreat. I wanted to give up and give in; tired of struggling and fighting. At first I couldn't work out what I was fighting against or how I was feeling but then I realised that it was feelings themselves that I was, and have been struggling alot with recently. I've found that since mum's death i can easily get out of doing things by saying that I don't feel like doing something and I can use it as a means to get out of doing what God wants me to do too. But I realised whilst on retreat that no matter how powerful your feelings are- and they are powerful!!- His grace is more powerful. Below are some creative thoughts that I've had about feelings, and grace. Feelings are so tangible;  like blocks, like boxing gloves raining blows on every part of my body. Feelings are a wrecking ball, a steam roller, a hot air balloon with no sandbags.  Feelings are sky high- the silken webs that

Today there is sadness I'm often quite happy I feel quite alive My friends and my family, my faith are my life It's natural to laugh and be child like and fun I choose to see joy through the life of my son But Today there is sadness Today there is loss Today I feel weighed down and tired out and cross Today there are burdens  Today will be long Today there is sadness Today she is gone

I am finally admitting that I'm finding life hard. My mum has died. My fish has died. And a bit of my drive and motivation has died too. But I'm finding life in other things. My family immediate and extended, my friends and my creativity. I have found that through opening up I have become vulnerable and full of pain, so much so that tiny little things are painful. But through my opening up others have too, and that is soothing and healing. Everyone has different views on mental health and dealing with it. This is mine right now.  My favourite things  Raindrops on roses and sunshine for running Sleep with no wake ups so I don't feel done in Thoughts of free time once the microwave pings These are a few of a my favourite things  Hair with no sick in (and clothes for that matter) Facebook debacles and  3am  natters Strictly, X Factor and creative springs These are a few of my favourite things When I'm lonely When I'm anxious When I'

Most of you will know that I'm pregnant with our first baby. Actually I'm now overdue by 5 days and quite frankly I'm getting fed up with waiting!! I've done all the things people have told us to do but no lasting signs as yet, and my question every day is "why ARE we waiting?"  I have always been blessed by the mnemonic WAIT that God revealed to me years ago; Will  Arrive  In  Time  and I know in our case baby simply has to come out eventually- there isn't any more room for them! But the problem is I'm struggling to enjoy and utilise the waiting time choosing instead to wallow in feelings of frustration and impatience! The helpful thing is that as we approach the Easter weekend it makes me think about the wait that Jesus had before He died. People always say that Jesus death was the ultimate sacrifice but I disagree- I think His LIFE was the ultimate sacrifice. After all He lived almost His whole life knowing that He was born

Most of you will know that I'm pregnant with our first baby. Actually I'm now overdue by 5 days and quite frankly I'm getting fed up with waiting!! I've done all the things people have told us to do but no lasting signs as yet, and my question every day is "why ARE we waiting?"  I have always been blessed by the mnemonic WAIT that God revealed to me years ago; Will  Arrive  In  Time  and I know in our case baby simply has to come out eventually- there isn't any more room for them! But the problem is I'm struggling to enjoy and utilise the waiting time choosing instead to wallow in feelings of frustration and impatience! The helpful thing is that as we approach the Easter weekend it makes me think about the wait that Jesus had before He died. People always say that Jesus death was the ultimate sacrifice but I disagree- I think His LIFE was the ultimate sacrifice. After all He lived almost His whole life knowing that He was born