Cazza Whatever!

Today we must all have lots to do to prepare for Christmas;  put up the tree, hoover the house, make sure the lights work- which you know they won't, buy new lights, wrap presents, take out your inheritance to buy stamps, phone people you haven't bothered to speak to all year to get their address proving you haven't spoken to them all year,  post cards, and all the other things you know you have to get done.  Then for us this year there's a whole new level of preparations for our new and imminent arrival- find clothes that fit me, buy clothes that fit me, sort out a push chair, find the spare room under all the junk, change the spare room into a nursery- the lists seems endless!  Usually I plot all the reminders into my phone and then watch TV stressing about how to get it all done- instead of getting it all done- but I turned to my bible instead.  Because today is the 1st of December- (apparently not advent til tomorrow) and so a good day for thinking about what

Lamentations 3: 28-30 (The message) When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions; wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full- face. the "worst" is never the worst. This fortnight has been all about houses. Not the wonderful exciting house that my little baby Bumpling is building inside me but the family house that my mum has lived in for forty years. Last week we moved her out of there as she can no longer manage on her own. My questions, worries and fears deafen me. This is God's response straight from the above bible verse, and my response to Him. "As my mind becomes clouded with stress, questions and worries I seek my dark place. I seek to enter the silence with my wonderful counsellor. Going upstairs I run a bath and light a candle, putting in bubble bath and turning off the light I want to enter the dark- but I must see the hope- I am tempted to cry out to God, I

I'm having an extension! My husband isn't, just me. Right now I think the occupant is adding furnishings and making everything cosy. Confused? Well it may help to know that  it's nothing to do with our actual house at all- we're having our first baby! When I had my first twinge/cramp early on having discovered I was expecting at about six weeks , I was really scared that I was going to lose the baby. When you feel those pains panic sets in and suddenly you start to question everything- it's an unsettling time. But God showed me that  I must have belief and in that word are the words BE LIFE- a promise that has and will stick with me throughout this. He also showed me that those pains are like having building work done and it's all part of the journey.  So here is the building plan so far.... The first thing to happen at about eight weeks was the bedroom was created (and sometimes it felt like they were trying to fit a wide screen TV in as well!). It

Many years ago I went on a TFG (Twyford Fellowship Group) weekend. This is no big deal, I went on loads but on this partciular one we were experimenting with prophecy. I seem to remember we had alot of pictures of sausages and other amusing sources of prophecy (which all amazingly meant something to someone) but I had a picture of a duck in a dartboard. Stay with me :0) The thing about throwing a duck in a dartboard is it isn't really very effective. Obviously I haven't ever tried but I can imagine that there would be quite alot of resistant from said bird and the pub owners (or wherever your dartboard is located) may be resistant to you bringing birds into their establishment in the first place, but the main point is a duck isn't fit for purpose (had to get the middle management speak in there somewhere). In order to score a bullseye you need a dart. I had an amazing but sobering picture this morning -possibly 20 years on from that prophecy but least said about that

I need space!!! This revelation came from realising that I no longer have enough space on my iPhone. It tells me that I have loads of unnecessary data on there but not enough space for the data I really want/need to have. For example right now my song list is in disarray. The songs I have are old, boring songs or freebies from exciting Christmas deals that somehow you feel you have to have because they're free. I know I have Cheryl Cole taking up the space where Gary Barlow should rightfully be; I know Level 42 should be making way for Niki Minaj. The songs that I used to want to own are now no longer wanted, I now need songs for my profession, and I can't even download a simple backing track! Suddenly I resent the files that I once took hours dutifully downloading bit by bit on my then brand new and exciting iphone, I want more space. This got me thinking. This weekend and next week it is the half tern holidays, I have loads of things I need to do but I need space. I

In a way I just want to leave that question out there. I could have tweeted it but Cazbarwick only has 16 followers, I could have posted it on FB but I get tired of people taking the mickey out of the serious questions I sometimes need to ask. The thing is that it seems the older you get the more hope hurts. On my last blog I accepted that Daddy waits with me, but that line came from a poem entitled Daddy it hurts. And it does. I love hope but recently I've found myself wishing that I didn't have so much because it hurts to have such high expectations. It's also amazing when the thing you expected to happen actually does. But what if it doesn't....?

This isn't going to be long. Or particularly monumental. I am writing it at 6.30am as I have been waiting since 2.30am for the neighbours to turn their club music off. Which they did- about 20 mins ago.... I just feel like I'm waiting. For everything. I'm not going to outline it all but you know what I mean. The little things that don't bother anyone else but niggle you and leave you feeling discontented on a daily basis for no real reason. The medium things that everyone waits for; important post, are we going to have enough money, will the washing up ever be COMPLETELY done... and the huge things that you share between you and those you love, which can leave you breathless as you recieve them and render you senseless when you don't. But a wonderful friend wrote a poem this week which she shared with me and most of it hurt like hell (as waiting can do) but the end was like a soothing balm. Daddy waits with you.

Hello! Well I'm nearly at the end of my lent break from Facebook and so much has happened! The most significant thing is that my work with Splosh at St Johns Bowling in Bradford has now come to an end. I had a fantastic leaving party and the winner for most amazingly disciplined child goes to Elijah who has given up sweet things for Lent and said no to almost everything offered at the party! The theme of the party was "Carol's Big Adventure" and we had a pass the parcel which started a treasure hunt and ended with mini cupcakes and balloons that stuck to the wall! I was also presented with an amazing plaque which I will treasure forever. And so an era ends. But something new can now begin. Three years ago I started Raise childrens project and now is the time to see whether it will really fly! I don't want this to be a business pitch, you can join me @raisechildrens if you want to see more (and I would love that) but the main thing now is to get the balance o

My garden is growing beautifully this year! The dandelions are in full bloom and the virginia creeper and ivy are winding their way around the garden ensuring that nothing will ever have to be planted there again. And as for those annoying non descript green things that grow wherever they can- I think I would win best in show! The above is a creative exaggeration. In fact this year the garden is looking pretty good and like it's been cared for. Which it has, or is... But it is as I care for and look after the garden that the above question rears it's ugly head, why do weeds grow better than anything else? As I kneel down on the driveway pulling out my 200th dandelion I realise that the weather really hasn't been up to much up until now and yet here are my dandelions and other weeds growing beautifully. I mean let's not knock weeds, they faithfully appear year after year and they are completely free of charge which is a real bonus at this time of year. In fact when t

So we're in week 2 (and a bit) of lent and I have chosen to give up Facebook! On the whole I'm not finding it too bad (hopefully that doesn't mean that I should be giving up something else too) and two of the biggest challenges are; not being in touch with my dear friends that are missionaries, and the little but fab chats I have late at night that are about nothing in particular but often mean so much. But by far the worst thing is that I now have no idea when anyone's birthday is- so apologies if I've missed yours! Having given up facebook I have chosen to do some things as well. My project is now on twitter-post a comment if you want more details- and I am now writing two blogs, one for business and this one for fun. I have also taken to supporting and encouraging my mum with little daily challenges as she has had a difficult year. So all in all far from feeling like I've had things taken away I am feeling incrdeibly blessed! I wonder if after 40 days in

I have never thought about having OCD (and anyone who has visited our messy house would definetely agree!) however when it comes to music I am a total slave to the rhythm! Particularly when I'm running I have to have a certain playlist and it has to be playing or I won't run at all! I remember the hilarity of my hubby when I went out running one day without music but with my new running coach iphone app. I went out excited and motivated and came back very disgruntled and frustrated. "I only walked" I told him, "The man on the app stopped telling me to run, so I didn't!" So why do I have to have music in order to function? Well the fact is I don't think I do have to have MUSIC. I am a slave to rhythm. I need structure and flow in order to function. Whether that comes in the form of music or something else I need it to be secure.I am a very unhappy and quite frankly dysfuctional human being when I don't know what is going to happen next. I thin

So it's 2.30am and unlike other nights in the last few weeks I haven't been having nightmares which is a relief. I do have strange dreams alot however and it was one the other night that prompted me to blog albeit at such a ridiculous time of night/morning! I won't go through all the wierd and wonderful details (the fact that I had springy shoes or that I was at a school handing out food for lunch) but the main part of the dream was a one liner which I woke up with the following morning and which has stayed with me throughout the day. In my dream I had been talking to someone about a life change that I'm going through regarding work and she said the following "you need to eat less fat and more fruit and veg." Now I happen to be on a diet in real life but as I woke up I was accutely aware that this was about my spiritual life and not my eating habits and it got me thinking- am I getting my five a day? And if so, what are they? I hate to admit it but I'

In the eighties, Irene Cara begged us to "remember her name", and like it or loathe it we all have a name. I don't know what yours is (unless you post me a comment ;0) ) but I can guarantee you have one. As for mine you will have guessed that as no self respecting parent would actually name their baby daughter Cazza and so  mine is going to be something beginning with C, possibly Carol or Caroline. And you'd be right- it's Carol (you probably won't have guessed that my middle name is June but you may now have an inkling as to when my birthday is!) I have to say I really like my first name and I was called Carol in the hope that I would love to sing-and I do. As a result of this though I think I have formed a really strong attachment to names and the meaning of names.And it's really made me think this week about names. Forgive me for going off on a tangent for a second but I wanted to share a wonderful conversation I had once with a little boy in my class

I guess this is always the question that people ask when they first see a new blog. This was certainly my question when contemplating writing a blog this year. Having posed the question several of my friends gave encouraging and loving responses to my concerns over whether it was worth me starting one. So here I am! Cazza, whatever! Look forward to seeing you soon x