OC/DC slave to the rhythm
I have never thought about having OCD (and anyone who has visited our messy house would definetely agree!) however when it comes to music I am a total slave to the rhythm! Particularly when I'm running I have to have a certain playlist and it has to be playing or I won't run at all!
I remember the hilarity of my hubby when I went out running one day without music but with my new running coach iphone app. I went out excited and motivated and came back very disgruntled and frustrated. "I only walked" I told him, "The man on the app stopped telling me to run, so I didn't!"
So why do I have to have music in order to function? Well the fact is I don't think I do have to have MUSIC. I am a slave to rhythm. I need structure and flow in order to function. Whether that comes in the form of music or something else I need it to be secure.I am a very unhappy and quite frankly dysfuctional human being when I don't know what is going to happen next. I think I need order as when I was growing up I had so little order in my family life and so I had to access it myself. I would play the piano or write a song when things were happening that I couldn't deal with- this was my way of bringing order out of chaos. Creativity out of destruction. Recently I have had the privilege of working with a young carer who also lived in a chaotic world but in a very different way-as his mum is profoundly deaf. He loves music but for so long he lived in a silent world, I could never imagine doing this for better or for worse, he is an amazing human being.
So whilst thinking this all through out of the blue this week I was challenged by a Christian text service I sign up to to do some things in silence for a week! I found it very hard- basically copping out whenever I could. I realised that even when I was being silent I would talk to myself about the fact that I was being silent!! Even God suddenly seemed to be louder than He used to be! I found that I quickly got lead into a negative thought process and had to speak out in order to quieten it. But is this a bad discovery or have I opened something up that will in time become a precious lesson to learn?
So I'm asking you to share this learning with me- do a few things in total silence. Notice how it feels and how it makes you feel. Explore it, discover it, share it with others but try not to cover it up with empty sounds.
Enough said.
I remember the hilarity of my hubby when I went out running one day without music but with my new running coach iphone app. I went out excited and motivated and came back very disgruntled and frustrated. "I only walked" I told him, "The man on the app stopped telling me to run, so I didn't!"
So why do I have to have music in order to function? Well the fact is I don't think I do have to have MUSIC. I am a slave to rhythm. I need structure and flow in order to function. Whether that comes in the form of music or something else I need it to be secure.I am a very unhappy and quite frankly dysfuctional human being when I don't know what is going to happen next. I think I need order as when I was growing up I had so little order in my family life and so I had to access it myself. I would play the piano or write a song when things were happening that I couldn't deal with- this was my way of bringing order out of chaos. Creativity out of destruction. Recently I have had the privilege of working with a young carer who also lived in a chaotic world but in a very different way-as his mum is profoundly deaf. He loves music but for so long he lived in a silent world, I could never imagine doing this for better or for worse, he is an amazing human being.
So whilst thinking this all through out of the blue this week I was challenged by a Christian text service I sign up to to do some things in silence for a week! I found it very hard- basically copping out whenever I could. I realised that even when I was being silent I would talk to myself about the fact that I was being silent!! Even God suddenly seemed to be louder than He used to be! I found that I quickly got lead into a negative thought process and had to speak out in order to quieten it. But is this a bad discovery or have I opened something up that will in time become a precious lesson to learn?
So I'm asking you to share this learning with me- do a few things in total silence. Notice how it feels and how it makes you feel. Explore it, discover it, share it with others but try not to cover it up with empty sounds.
Enough said.
Comments
Post a Comment